15 survival tips for Nigerian students in 2012

1.   All University students are advised to adopt the eating habit of 0-1-0 as in the regime of Ibrahim Babangida’s Structural Adjustment Programme (SAP). Go for your lectures in the morning on empty stomach, and when it’s break time, usually between 12 – 1 pm, eat a blend of breakfast and Lunch also referred to as “brunch”. It would be advisable to eat food that don’t digest easily; such as Fufu, Eba, Amala, Beans and Garri so you won’t go hungry quickly. It is also allowed to ‘drink’ or ‘smoke’ Garri for dinner especially on nights you don’t plan to read so as to ‘subsidize’ your eyes.

2.   Stock your lockers/shelves with snacks such as ‘Kuli kuli’, (made from mashed groundnuts, and fried with oil). Use it to eat bread, ‘smoke’ Garri, and as ‘snack’ when reading.

3.   As you would have to trek a lot because of increase in transport fares, it’s advisable to buy thicker and stronger “soles” for your school shoes, like the ‘Boggie’ shoes of the 1970′s. You could use it for the duration of both your bachelors’ and masters’ degree programmes before it wears out from too much walking!

4.   Ensure you live about next-door to your lecture halls. No long trekking on empty stomach, you can collapse midway.

5.   Students should learn to hunt for Crabs and Squirrels at night from nearby bushes, especially on weekends! Most Universities have nearby bushes, UNN students can go near but not inside the Faculty of Agriculture farms; UNILAG students can go fishing!

6.   Team-Up with your best friend or (not girlfriend) to share a room, share pot of soup and generally behave like family, (not like a married couple); or just team up with someone that can cook, could even be a neighbour.

7.   Hunt for un-used leaves of Exercise and Notebooks; bind them together to form a complete Notebook for your lectures.

8.   It will be advisable to place your phone on your lecturer’s table to record what he says and listen to it in your room; that way, you won’t need to buy notebooks!

9.   Sell your notebooks and textbooks to students a year below your level (ensure you wrap them properly to ensure they can even pass for NEW), and use the bottom of your rubber slippers as Eraser; that Ten Naira can buy 4 pieces of ‘kuli kuli’

10.    Suggest to your Lecturer that all assignments and project work shall henceforth be in “electronic format”, no more typing, printing and binding. Some universities in Nigeria have free wireless internet service (UNN has LIONET). You can also use your phones to send the emails.

11.                Wear tattered dress when going home to demand for your allowance, all those designer jeans won’t cut it with your parents anymore. They will not believe you don’t have money to live on.

12.                Add a few Books to the official Book list, you can redeem them at half-price. Please don’t do this; it is offensive to our parents!
Campus Guys should stop having multiple “babes”; it will ruin you eventually as you can’t cope now that subsidy is gone!

13.                Babes, give out your phone numbers to more “Guys”; even it’s recharge card you’ll get someday, but don’t ask for more, and don’t offer anything immoral!

14.                Learn to cook your own meals in your room, get firewood from nearby bushes (don’t touch the flowers and hedges and be careful not to set the whole school on fire).

15.                Work on a project that focuses on “local stoves” or “How to Make Fire using Sawdust and Sand”! Who knows, you might win a Nobel Prize!